Both of Us .org

After our discussion with Dr. A. on Tuesday afternoon, JSP and I went home unsure what decisions to make.

As I thought, Dr. A. suggested that I should begin a second Interleukin 2 treatment. In fact he wanted me to start the treatment the next day! JSP and I listened to why he felt this was the best decision. Dr. A. thinks that my body may be reacting to the IL-2 treatment. He did not have any empirical evidence for this, but since he works with cancer day in and day out, I have to give his gut feeling some weight. We also discussed changing my pain medications so that I would hopefully spend less time in hallucinatory negative land. When we left I told him that I would not be able to make a decision right away, and that JSP and I would have to talk about this treatment option. Regardless, I would not start treatment the next day.

JSP drove us home and words and tears flowed out of me. My first IL-2 treatment was honestly the worst experience of my life; was I going to choose to voluntarily undergo the same treatment again? This seemed insane. The thought of going back to the hospital, having a pik line put back into my arm, and having that terribly strong immune system drug burning through my system again, ravaging my body left me no option other than to cry. JSP held may hand in the car as I mourned the next two weeks of my life.

Later in the evening I had sushi with my dear friend Connie. We discussed this turn of events and also some options for my care in the future.

When I returned home, I felt resigned that I would go through with this treatment a second time. I don't want to do this, but it may help to prolong my life. If I say no, I may be turning down a therapy that can help me to stay alive. I lived through the first treatment, I should be able to live through a second week of treatment.

It makes me sad, but I am choosing to go through the next treatment session, probably starting on Tuesday, April 22.

We have tickets to see our favorite comedian, Margaret Cho, on April 25. I will not be able to see her. That is a drag. I'll be busy surviving cancer that night.


For more information on my favorite cancer treatment see the page on Classic High Dose Interleukin 2 .

Labels: hospital, Melanoma

 Miss Melanoma wrote:
Dude, it's just not fair that you have to make decisions like this- where you have to decide to hate your life for 2 weeks or live well but possibly not as long. Ugh. All I can say is that whatever you choose, your friends and cyber family will support you and love you and send you positive vibes all the way through it. I know these decisions are so tough, and I just wish you peace and resolve through it all.
I'm a few miles away from you, but I'd love to do whatever I can to make life easier through this. If you want mags, movies, whatever- please let me know what I can do.
Once again, my friend, sending you positive energy and all the peace you deserve,

MM

 JB aka JayBee wrote:
MM,

We both know there is nothing fair about having cancer. Thanks so much for your support. If there is anything I can think of that I need or that you could possibly help with, I promise to let you know.

JB

 kc-risenphoenix wrote:
JayBee

Know my prayers are with you. I love you so very very much.

When I was in the hospital last year, I had a horrible treatment that put me through some of the worst pain and misery of my life, and I even had some time there where I didn't know who I was, a very short temporary amnesia. The procedure didn't work and they wanted to do it again! They sprung it on my and wanted me to decide RIGHT NOW and go through it again a few hours later.

I cannot know WHAT you are going through, but I can empathize. I love you and I am thinking of you always. Please email me to let me know if there is ANY thing I can do.

Sorry also about Margaret Cho. She is SO funny! But if it keeps you with us, it is a small price to pay!

Love you!
Ben

 Robert Scholl wrote:
After reading what it was like for you the first time, I can't imagine what you've signed up for.

Knowing that it is going to be difficult for you, my heart will be with you during that week. From reading your blog, it's obvious you're loved. Stay strong.

Bert

 Eric wrote:
JB -

Cancer decisions can never be easy, can they? It seems so odd to have to put yourself through such hell in order to make another hell go away. All we can do though is to hope that the pain is worth it and that it'll do the trick for you this time.

You're in my thoughts - hang in there!

Eric @ Fun With Melanoma

 Kristi wrote:
JB,
I just learned of this blog and your Melanoma diagnosis 5 minutes ago. To say the least, I am in under shock.
Is there a way I could get you my email or phone #?
Kristi LaRock