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Since being diagnosed with stage IV melanoma, I have experienced getting hives four times. The most recent bout of hives is just now fading from my body. I believe either my whole brain radiation treatments or my change in diet has activated a sun allergy in my body. I did some reading about photosensitivity, and it appears to act similar to other allergies.

I have gotten hives after being exposed to direct sunlight through windows four times in the last month. The hives generally last under an hour, but during the hives, skin itches and burns. I find it hard to focus on anything else while experiencing it. Still, my hives have been relatively minor compared to some I have read about.

While I have been very conscious of limiting my sun exposure in the past, I never experienced hives before. This new level of sensitivity to sunlight is probably connected to my cancer or the radiation treatments. The best way to deal with it is not to get direct sunlight. Knowing that I can't go out in the sun makes me feel a little bit like a vampire.

Watch out, cancer vampire is on the prowl.

Labels: Melanoma, radiation

Life without alcohol, salt, and refined starches and sugars is going surprisingly well. I miss drinking beer and the taste of salt, but organic produce is also very tasty and may well keep me living and breathing much longer than a typical American diet. I continue to consume a modified Gerson Therapy diet. Although I only average four glasses of juice a day, I feel like my body is responding to the greater amount of nutrition and reduced load of dietary toxins.

My body has been feeling very well, my appetite continues to grow and I love eating again. I have been eating more, both at home and at work, trying to add a few pounds if possible to my thinned frame. Drinking juices and organic peppermint or chamomile tea is part of my daily routine, along with my coffee treatments.

My body feels good, my spirits are high, and I am lucky to have friends and family who want to visit. I welcome visitors; I would almost say that I live for visitors. Come over, have some tea, play a game.

On Wednesday I have an appointment with Dr. A., my Oncologist. I hope he will be able to interpret the results of the biopsies that were done on the lumps removed from my body almost three weeks ago. I need him to help me understand what it means that of the fourteen lumps that were removed, only one was a melanoma tumor while the other thirteen were diseased lymph nodes containing cancer cells, some showing signs of necrosis (cell death) in some of the cancer cells.

I don't really understand this, I thought that all the lumps were going to be tumors. I am interested in what he will have to say about this.

Also meeting with Dr. A., I will get a good idea about when I should schedule the next round of MRI, and PT scans. I am still months away from being possibly eligible to enroll in experimental studies (due to the cancer they found and treated in my brain). If the my brain stabilizes and no new tumors are found for the next three months, then I could become a candidate for experimental trials.

JSP and I watched the film Venus last night. It was very poignant; basically about a man (Peter O'Toole) enjoying his final days and preparing to die. Despite my tears, I enjoyed the film and recommend it to those who enjoy international film.

Labels: beer, juicing, Melanoma

This morning was a chilly -14 degrees as we made our way to our respective work places. We hoped spring might appear, or even a few days above freezing. Mother Nature has other plans. March approaches and I certainly feel spring fever. Tulip and crocus bulbs that I planted two weeks ago grow quickly, each rises several inches out of the potting soil. I scanned the seed mailers and look forward to planting heirloom varieties of tomatoes, peas and other vegetables. I should order seeds soon, so I can start some flats growing sometime mid March.

In this cold weather we have been hunkering down in the house the last week or so. Our last weekend was quiet, the first weekend in a while with no visitors and no visits. I did my taxes, JayBee played with is new tiny computer (see previous post) and we watched a the movie Curse of the Golden Flower and several episodes of the Venture Brothers.

The week continues and our home remains quiet. Tomorrow JayBee goes back to the doctor to have the stitches removed from all the the incisions that were made the week before. I believe this weekend we will be more active. Sunday we have plans to attend our first roller derby. The RollerGirls League presents two matches, the Atomic Bombshells vs. the Rockits and the Dagger Dolls vs. the Garda Belts. I have heard about how fun it is to watch roller derby from our good friends Morgon Mae and Pat. I am excited to see it for myself.

We are looking forward to visiting JayBee's sister in Denver. The trip is scheduled for the first weekend in April. This is a continuation of an annual ski trip that has its origins years ago when many of our friends in Washington DC met in the Pennsylvanian Pokonos. Many of these same people have relocated to the Rockies, and the skiing has moved to better mountains. I have yet to ski during any of the last four years I have made the trip. Will this year be my first time? I am a scardy cat when it comes to skiing. I am overly worried I will blow out a knee or ankle (both of which are rather fragile). JayBee will likely try to convince me to give the mountain a try.

We were both excited that our neighbors to the east in Wisconsin supported Barack Obama. He has ten wins in a row and has captured our support over the last few months. Democrats have two very qualified candidates to choose from. Last night we watched Obama speak at a rally in Houston TX to over 20,000 cheering folks. It is refreshing to listen to him, compared to the bumbling speaches from Bush these last seven years. Clinton speaks well too in comparison. The people at the Obama rally were diverse in all respects; race, age, gender. McCain on the other hand is surrounded primarily by old white men. McCain clearly represents a completely different crowd. The election is still many months away, but I feel excited about electing a president (either Obama or Clinton) who I respect and can be proud of.

Labels: Bush, cold weather, Melanoma, perspective, politics, winter

The eclipse will begin at 7:43pm (Central Standard Time) and last until 11:10pm. Totality will last from 9:01-9:52pm. Make sure that you dress appropriately and get outside to view this wonderful event.

The last lunar eclipse that JSP and I witnessed was from the streets of Philadelphia outside of our favorite dive, Frank's Bar. That event seems like yesterday, but it also seems like a lifetime ago.

Labels: cold weather, garden, winter

Cancer has not stopped me from being a geek. Last weekend I ordered a new computer from my favorite online store NewEgg.com.

Two days after after my surgery, I went back to work on Thursday (Valentines Day) and my new machine arrived to my delight.

Asus released a new product before the 2007 holidays called the
ASUS Eee PC 4G – Galaxy Black Intel processor 7" Wide VGA Integrated Graphics Eee PC. This machine is a baby baby laptop. Good things were written about it online in tech circles, but it had not quite peeked my interest. Then I saw one in person and had to have one.

It is perfect, well almost perfect. I have not gotten used to the keyboard yet. It is significantly smaller than an ordinary keyboard. The whole machine is the size of a paperback book and super lightweight. It has wi-fi for browsing the web from almost anywhere. It runs Linux which makes it really fast and nimble (although you can install Windows XP if you want to).

It is my new favorite toy. I wrote and edited this post on this machine. Click the image of it to see the full information on this wonderful little machine.

Labels: computers

Today I had fourteen tumors removed from my skin. My surgeon, Dr. E was very accommodating before my surgery. We went over the list of tumors that JSP and I had located. He found each one and marked it for excision. I had general anesthesia, and the surgery went very smoothly.

In the past when experiencing general anesthesia, I awakened after surgery to strange and uncontrollable fits of crying. Luckily, due to the use of an alternative anesthesia, this did not happen today. When I woke up I felt great, like I had had a good nap. Surgery lasted about ninety minutes.

The surgery was much less draining than I thought it would be. I am in no pain. I hope this continues to be the case once I get a good night sleep. I have pain medication should this change.

This procedure likely has no effect on the systemic cancer, but the uncomfortable tumors removed from my skin will no longer bother me.

JSP had to work today, so my parents took me to the hospital for my procedure. They stayed at our home for several hours afterward. My mother and JSP made me a delicious Gerson therapy approved soup with wild rice in it and a serving of delicious fresh ornage/kiwi juice. I have been drinking chamomile tea as well. It was wonderful that my parents could be with me today, but frustrating that JSP could not be with me as well.

As we are a gay couple, JSP is not eligible for the Family Medical Leave Act. This is one of the many rights extended to heterosexual couples that are denied to gay and lesbian couples. This is one concrete example of how the right wing "family values" platform makes my life more difficult.

Another result of right wing "family values" is that I am not allowed to have medical coverage thought JSP's work, even though we are domestic partners. Luckily, I have great insurance through the University of Minnesota. My colleagues there have been very supportive through this process, which I am eternally grateful for.

Labels: hospital, juicing, Melanoma, perspective, Republicans, surgery

In advance of JayBee surgery tomorrow to remove sub-dermal tumors, last night we took an inventory of his tumors. After a complete scan of his body, I noted at least 18 lumps in various locations in his body. Most were pea sized or smaller, but there are at least four that are marble sized. The larger lesions have caused him discomfort. One tumor on his back thigh he compared to sitting on a stone.

The process was sobering for me. I strive to be optimistic that we are doing the right things and that he will successfully fight these "weeds" into remission. Confronted with numbers, size and locations, I am reminded of the reality at hand.

Finished cataloging the tumors, we settled into our cozy nest, thankful we were sheltered from the bitter winter night. Looking into each others eyes we realized how lucky we are together and how thankful we are to have the strength and support of the other. We are hopeful to spend many many years together looking into each others eyes and feeling love.

I turned off the light, cuddled in close, and felt overwhelmed with emotion. A myriad of thoughts whirled in my head, and I softly cried myself to sleep.

Today is a bright but cold winter day. I am working and feeling well. I am a lucky man. Despite the number of tumors in my partner's body there are positive signs. At least one tumor originally present on JayBee's upper lip, appears to be gone. This one was very present in JayBee's mind. He said it stared back at him whenever he looked in the mirror. He theorizes that because he was more focused on it, his body fought it more successfully. The mind is a powerful force.

The weekend is a memory now, but I am thankful that friends and loved ones chose to spend time with us. Friday night, friends Michael, Adam, Jesse and Conrad arrived to play a entertaining game of Settlers of Catan with both of us. Saturday JayBee attended a soccer organizational meeting and later played Dungeons & Dragons with friends. Yesterday was a family day and we enjoyed the company of JayBee's parents, three sisters, a brother-in-law and two nephews. I made some juice for everyone. JayBee shared some home brewed beer and everyone enjoyed chatting near the fire in the fireplace.

Spring is creeping into our house. Last weekend I planted several tulip and crocus bulbs in several planters in the house. I noticed yesterday that a few sprouts poke through the soil. My hope is that sometime in a month or so, a variety of blooms will be greeting us each morning, inspiring more spring fever in both of us.

Labels: beer, cold weather, friendship, juicing, Melanoma, winter

I know that most people would like to shed a few pounds and may not be able to relate to someone who really needs to add pounds. I have not weighed myself since my Gamma Knife procedure, but I was down about 18 lbs from my normal weight on that day. With my hair having fallen out and my fat reserves all gone, I look a bit like an extra from Schindler's List.

I am consuming as much healthy organic fruit and vegetables, and the juices derived from them, that I can. My mother and some of my sisters have stopped over to help get me to eat more too. Food preparation can really become tiresome when your flavor palate is as limited as the Gerson Therapy seems to be. Two nights ago I resorted to adding in some not allowed external components like Afghani Pizza from Crescent Moon Bakery. (I hate linking to a Dara Moskowitz, her restaurant reviews are pretentious.)

Food is important, but it is amazing what happens when it is hard or impossible to eat. When my father was hospitalized a few years ago, he was unable to eat for a very long time. He aged ten years in several weeks. It shocked me to see his body change from the strapping muscular man he had always been to the thin frail man who emerged from the hospital. Radiation treatments caused me to lose my hair, extra weight, and has also aged me ten years in under a month. I have cancer, so what is a little change to my appearance? I didn't think it would be a big deal, but wow, do I look older and less attractive! The only saving grace is that JSP still finds me beautiful.

I am off to forage for food in the kitchen. My nausea of the last three weeks is mostly subsiding so I have some work to do to bring myself back up to my target weight.

Labels: juicing, Melanoma, radiation