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I just finished reading a front page story online at the NY Times Website. The story is about two men filing a lawsuit in attempt to shut down a particle accelerator in Europe because of fear it might produce a black hole which will swallow the Earth...maybe the entire universe. My first reaction to this story is...'what the ****?'

Go ahead and read the story. Is it possible the story is mostly tongue and cheek journalism. Is it meant to poke fun at the absurdness of the men trying to shut down the project? Perhaps, but it seems the NY Times attempts to balance both sides equally in a story meant to be a meaningful exploration of the potential harm these science projects could be doing.

It seems ridiculous to write so prominently about something that is as close to an impossibility that one can imagine. The NY Times does not stop there, it continues in an unbias way to portray both sides of the story. So who are these guys that are filing the lawsuit? You get the impression they are knowledgeable individuals throughout the story, yet near the very end of the article you find out these are basically a couple of guys off the street.

The NY Times also does a fairly poor job telling the other side of the story. They seem to give the impression that the likelihood of Earth's destruction is minimal...but theoretically possible. And this is what frustrates me so much. There are an infinite amount of theoretically possible events. But should the leading American news paper give front page credibility to every infinitely small catastrophic event that could happen to us?

Sadly they do and with a frequency that is harmful to our scientific community. Evolution, stem cell research, climate change, and now particle physics (to name a few) are slowly being turned from generally well accepted theories into nonsense and voodoo in the name of fair and balanced reporting.

'Voodoo' said one of our 'fine' congressional representatives, Michelle Bachman (MN 6th-R). At a meeting of local republicans she said any human connection to global warming is "voodoo, nonsense, hokum, a hoax". To that I wonder out loud "what the heck does Michelle Bachman know about global warming?" I say the same thing about a lot of our politicos and pundits. How can so many people spout out with so much certainty on so many subjects they have only a general or vague understanding about?

Sadly this seems to be the direction of scientific discourse in America these days. The scientific community through the scientific method gives us vasts amounts of data to support a theory, yet a few folks with some generalized ideas (and likely political or financial motivation) are allowed to trash the science in the name of unbias reporting.

Below is a perfect example of some of the idiocy that the scientific community has to deal with across this nation in a humorous cartoon of a familiar chemistry class table we have all seen.

It got busy this week with work and JayBee returning home from the hospital. So much so that three days have already passed since I last made an update here to the blog. JayBee was going stir crazy in the hospital this past weekend after finishing 13 IL-2 treatments. They discharged him on Sunday about noon. Julie remained in Minneapolis until yesterday afternoon and was a great deal of comfort and help to us while JayBee was getting settled at home. In addition we have been fortunate to have JayBee's mother and sister Brenda giving company, comfort and some meals.

The recovery process is still ongoing. It might take several days until the effects have worn off. JayBee is getting rid of the water he gained while on treatment. A side effect of that water weight gain was nearly uncontrollable itching. I postulate that his skin stretched and then returned to normal quickly causing the nerves to be over stimulated and resulting in extream itchiness.

Sleeping has been tough. The drugs (IL-2 and the demerol) they gave him seem to really have altered his perceptions and mind to some extent. JayBee mentioned having vivid disturbing dreams and daydreams towards the end of the treatments. These continued throughout the weekend. Flushing out all the toxins is not rapid and we both look forward to having more peaceful sleep soon.

The cough that JayBee was having is seemingly reduced in intensity. I have hardly heard him cough this evening. Perhaps it has improved since we purchased a humidifyer for the bedroom. JayBee's is eating more and his appetite is improving.

We are both looking forward to visiting Julie in Denver soon. Next week at this time we will be heading to the airport and starting a 5 day trip away from work and away from this lingering Minnesota winter. Who knows, it could end up snowing in Denver too, but if we are lucky it will be in the 60 or 70's. JayBee should be recovered by next week for the trip but perhaps not for any skiing.

I would suggest giving an e-mail or phone call to JayBee to inquire how he feels about company in the near future. Thanks again for all of you that had JayBee in their thoughts the last week.

This morning I come in to find out that the IL-2 treatments are now complete. JayBee missed his 14th treatment as a result of the dementia I mentioned in the last post. On top of that JayBee's sodium level has been low the last day which also contributes to some of the mind alteration. Then there is this drug called Adivan (sic) given to help with nausea and as a sleep aide. Turns out this drug caused JayBee to feel paranoia, disturbing dreams and a general feel of panic. It was a rough night.

The vitals the nurse just took were good. Pulse almost normal, blood pressure also close to what it was when he arrived and temperature at 98.7. So no more Tylenol is being given. JayBee's outward appearance has improved too. Even though he may not be feeling much better, all the main indicators have improved.

Now the goal for today is to get some food in him. Since Wednesday evening, JayBee has not eaten much. We have brought in a variety of organic foods and fruits without success of tempting him to eat (I can smell the strawberries now). It is promising that today he will eat, moments ago he said he felt hungry...but then he fell back to dozing.

Dr. A is due to arrive in less than 2 hours to give a more detailed evaluation of JayBee's outlook. Hopefully he will lean towards letting him out of the hospital sooner than later. Optimistically I would estimate he will be discharged sometime tomorrow, but realistically I believe it will be Monday.

Friday evening and the light of the day is waning. JayBee was successfully administered the 13th IL-2 treatment this afternoon, leaving one remaining. At this moment it is uncertain if he will get the last dose at midnight. JayBee has been experiencing some dementia. Nothing serious or sustained but worrisome nonetheless. The nurse said they will pay particular attention to his state of mind as the evening progresses, and make a final determination whether or not to get that last dose.

JayBee is currently resting. I arrived moments ago and he barely noticed me. I hope resting is passing the time for him. Julie was here all afternoon and mentioned it was very quiet. Very little talk or commotion. Mostly holding vigil over our cherished gardener. The fertilizer he has coursing through his veins this week has promise to combat the cancerous weeds inside him.

Last night I had the opportunity to read chapter 3 of "The Island of the Bicycle Dancers" to JayBee. The story of the Korean/Japanese young woman in NYC is evolving rapidly, as she is face to face with the handsome messenger she has idolized since first meeting. However there is a situation developing, as another messenger has grown a crush on her. Perhaps we read more this evening.

The drive to and from the hospital this noon and later this evening was unabated by the snow we received...at least 4 inches in our neck of the woods. The amount of miles I am driving now is about 10 fold more than usual and I grow weary of it. Sadly it is barely a normal commute for most people, round trip is about 15 miles making my daily driving in the range of 30+ miles. We have a decent car and I guess it is fun to drive, but putting up with traffic, poor drivers and the monotony of the same route is maddening at times. I appreciate more that we live so close to our respective work places and have the ability to forgo driving altogether by biking in the summer. How is it I fail to be entranced by the marketing might of GM, Ford or Toyota? Simple answer-driving sucks.

JayBee still sleeps as I compose this entry to the blog. At times a shuffle or fitful shrug under the covers. Those of you wondering, the last day or so JayBee has not checked his e-mail or voice messages. Your patience will pay off shortly we hope as he recovers and replies to all the thoughtful messages you all have been sending his direction.

Another day is nearly over, the week is going by quickly for me but it probably seems endless for JayBee. He was given the 10th treatment of IL-2 about an hour ago and is feeling rather poor. The demerol is being used more liberally to help with the shakes and general malaise. Four more treatments are scheduled making Friday night the end of this ordeal. We hope the weekend brings healing and recovery as JayBee's body begins to pace towards normalcy.

JayBee's sister Julie, from Denver, has arrived to give us support. When I visited during lunch she was here with another of JayBee's sisters, Patty. The lunch break I spent here was mainly spent catching up with Julie and Patty. JayBee was out of it at the time. I arrived this evening to see Julie had remained, joined by her parents. They have left for the evening and for the rest of the night it is just the two of us.

As JayBee's condition has worsened it has made accepting visitors rather demanding. Friends Michael, Adam, Jesse, Al and Connie were looking forward to a visit, but were called to cancel. We are telling friends that visits will have to wait until he gathers enough strength and health to allow them. We know you all understand the demands of having visitors and we hope you will hold tight to see him in person. We know you have lots of love and desire to express that to JayBee in person and we are thankful. Every message of support I get is being relayed to JayBee and I believe he is checking his e-mail at least once a day for those who wish to share a message.

JayBee's work mates have been very supportive. I am thankful that his workplace has given him no grief what so ever. I see folks without insurance or at risk of loosing their jobs when they become ill. I am disheartened that some employers callously treat those people who toil to ensure they are able to increase their profits. I also see the price of some of the treatments that JayBee is receiving and wonder how anyone uninsured could ever repay them. Sadly the poor and working-middle class likely do not get some of these treatments afforded to the insured. It certainly is time to demand universal health care.

I am not certain I will get to chapter three of the book I am reading to JayBee. He is sleeping now and shall not be disturbed. The more time that passes while he is dozing is time spend less aware of the discomfort. His mom mentioned today that Jaybee thought it was Wednesday, and he was pleased to learn that an extra day had indeed passed.

Snow is forecast for tonight, 2-5 inches or more they say. First day of Spring in Minneapolis. The weather is a wonderful distraction from the burdens of life we sometimes endure. 60 degrees next weekend?

Wednesday is nearly complete. JayBee has taken 7 of the 14 possible treatments of IL-2 thus far. The symptoms and reaction to the treatments are real, uncomfortable and unpleasant. However he is getting through them. No treatment has been skipped, meaning that each time he is passing the criteria required to get each dose (blood pressure, heart rate, body electrolytes etc. within acceptable parameters). Outward appearances are that of fatique, flush skin and slightly detectable puffiness. The nurse just took his temperature now, 101.3, his blood pressure lowered and pulse rate a bit accelerated.

An unexpected observation in the ICU has been the quality of the food. The both of us are generally vegetarians. Since the diagnosis at the end of December we have been eating all organic food products. One would think at a hospital, good food would be an important component of the healing process. This is not true at JayBee's hospital. Vegetarian food is basically a side dish. A sad salad, fruit dish, over cooked vegetables. The menu for lunch and dinner has one meatless item, and nothing is certified organic. So we have been doing our best picking and choosing hospital food and supplimenting it with juice and organic food from home.

JayBee is now resting fairly comfortably at 8:30 PM. Friends Jamie and Marcos, after visiting awhile, have just left the room. As soon as I log this blog posting I am going to start in on reading chapter 2 of the book I mentioned below. More news later on....Cheers!

Tuesday evening and four treatments have been given to JayBee. Some of the side-effects are starting to set in. As I arrived this evening JayBee was experiencing a significant episode of the shivers. He said they had just started moments before I arrived. The nurse came in and gave him a shot of demerol. They can give him this drug every 15 minutes if needed to calm him and help with any pain he might be feeling. The demerol worked almost immediately. His shivers have subsided for the moment and he is much more calm.

JayBee's blood pressure has noticably decreased and his pulse is inching upwards. I felt his forehead and it is feverish in temperature. These side-effects are also expected. The doctors measure a set of criteria to determine if they can give the next dose of IL-2. The fifth dose should be given around midnight.

Today JayBee's folks visited, as well as his sisters Barb and Diann. At the moment our friends Andrew and Emma are here helping soothe and keep JayBee company. More visitors are expected during the week and are very welcome. Even if JayBee is not feeling well or is not 100% responsive he welcomes company.

I'll probably hang out in the room for awhile tonight. Last night I began reading a book entitled "The Island of Bicycle Dancers" by Jiro Adachi. Out loud I got through chapter one. It is a story about a Korean/Japanese young woman who has been sent to NYC by her parents to learn English. She tells us about her troubles with the language and her beginning crush on a local bicycle messenger. I hope JayBee is in the mood to hear me read chapter 2.

Tomorrow is hump day as we proceed through this tough treatment. More news and stories will come. Thanks for all your thoughts, prayers and love.

It is going on 7PM, I am sitting in a comfortable chair next to my lover who is next to me laying in bed listening to a dance mix of Madonna on his IPOD. A few hours ago he was administered his first dose of Interleukin-2, 37.5 million units. Thus far no unpleasant effects, his heart rate is low and he is comfortable.

JayBee is given a dose of demerol every 4 hours and so far has found that to be a soothing experience. He just got a second dose a few moments ago and that is why he put on the ear phones to listen to the music...it goes well with the buzz he is feeling now.

The staff here at the hospital are friendly and effective. The intrusions are minimal. The only annoying event was when we came to check into the ICU, there was a lady at the desk who kept asking who were came to see. We told her several times we were sent here to check in but she apparently had never had anyone come to her desk to be admitted.

So far the only unpleasant experience for JayBee has been the insertion of the PIC line. This apparently is a silicone tube that snakes through a vein in his arm until it goes into the heart. This is the only way to administer the IL-2, in an area that is flush with moving blood so it does not harm any tissue by lingering in one area too long.

JayBee's folks were here several hours this afternoon (thanks for the lovely roses and cute toy sheep) and his sister Diann came with some fresh carrot juice. I would invite anyone to come visit if you like, simply give a call, leave a message or e-mail and we can work out the details of where and when to meet up.

We will try to update the blog regularly to keep everyone informed on how things are going here from day to day. Thanks for all your love and support

Greetings this Saturday morning,
At 9:oo AM in Minneapolis, the sun is shining but it is only 22 degrees outside. The snow melted to a large extent this week. We had 40 degree weather and bit of rain. It will be many weeks until the grass starts to green and flowers start to pop out of the ground.

Thankfully I do not have to wait that long. The tulips and crocus that I planted indoors just over a month ago have begun to bloom. Crocus are fast burners. There have been two white flowers and one purple flower, but sadly they open and within about two days they dry up and wither away. I hope to see a few more blooms before they are completely finished.

Tulips have more stamina. The blooms take a bit longer to develop and after a half a week being open, are still beautiful. Two purple and many red tulips bloom today.

Last week I had lasik eye corrective procedure done on my left eye. At this moment it has been four days since the procedure. I have to say that for the 5-10 minutes that it takes to do one eye, it was uncomfortable. Not miserable pain, but certainly uncomfortable. They take the eye and apply some suction to lift the contour of the eye. This feels...icky! Then a bit more manipulation and the eye flap is created. This is basically lifting up the lens to allow for the laser to do its thing. Then they turn on the laser, with its click click click noise. I could smell the burning of tissue. They put back down the flap and with some tiny brush like tool make sure it is in place on my eye. Then we were done; it was less than ten minutes.

I am required to put drops in my eye to help it heal for two weeks and also lubricating drops every hour. I see perfectly out of my left eye now and I will not have to wear glasses, which is pretty cool.

This morning, many of you are hearing the news that JayBee will be going into the hospital on Monday morning to start Interleukin-2 (IL-2) treatment. Cannot sugar coat this one, by all accounts it is going to be rough. Dr. A. suggests that JayBee's immune system is already working, as evident by the biopsy of lymph nodes that were recently removed (they were full of lymphocytes and necrotic melanoma cells). As hard as his immune system is working, it is unable to keep up with some of the cancer, thus the IL-2 is going to give his lymphocytes a super boost to enable them to work overtime.

JayBee links to IL-2 in the previous post. I also am familiar with this cytokine, since I work for a company that actually makes IL-2. The company I work for is in the business of making cytokines, which are growth factors in the body that tell cells what to do and when to do it. Our version of IL-2 is research grade and not meant for treating humans. I personally have not been involved with the purification of IL-2 at work. It is heartening to know that I am working with a company makes products that might be helping scientists develop treatments for the cancer my beloved parter is currently fighting.

Labels: cold weather, garden, Melanoma

On Monday of next week I will begin my first week long treatment of high dose Interleukin - 2. This procedure requires hospitalization for about seven days. You can read about interesting side effects if you follow the link to the drug above. It will not be an easy week, but I'll be a tough bird.

Dr. A. proscribed this regiment of treatment based on my March 5 CT Scan coupled with the pathology report from my February 12 skin tumor resections. According to Dr. A., the tumors in my lungs are growing at a rate that worry him; he hopes that I may be one of the lucky ones who will see my cancer react favorably to the "immune system storm" that this treatment regiment will cause in my body. I have to admit that although I am not looking forward to the discomfort of the side effects, I do look forward to seeing if this systemic storm can help me tend my body's garden.

I plan to bring my eeePC to the hospital with me. If I feel up to it I will write a bit about my experience. Since I am not into daytime television, I will have to try to make my own entertainment.

I have been continuing with the modified Gerson Therapy, and am considering learning more about the Gerson Clinic in Mexico. It might be interesting to spend a couple of weeks there, but I will have to update my passport if I am going to follow that route.

Labels: CT, hospital, juicing, Melanoma

I have not written for a while, not sure which direction to go in. Lots happening in my life, not as much time or motivation to write about it all.

A telephone call this afternoon has narrowed my focus. The call was from Dr. A. who had gotten a chance to look over the MRI and CT scan that I had done on Wednesday, March 5th. He mentioned that the tumors in my lung were growing quickly and that there were several new tumors in both my left and right lungs that were not there on the December 31 CT scan.

This is not great news for me.

I have an appointment to talk with him about starting a regiment of Interluken 2 (sp?) as early as next week., This is an immune boosting approach to fighting cancer that causes you to be quite sick for about 10 days, followed by ten days of relative health. I am not sure what this will mean.

I had been considering traveling to the Gerson Hospital in Mexico with my mother for about the past week, but I realize now that my habit of hesitation is no longer a viable approach to solving my problems.

I wonder how starting a cancer therapy will affect my body and my spirits. I wonder if it will mean not going to visit my sister in Colorado as JSP and I had planned. I wonder if the therapy will help me at all or only make me sick. I wonder what I should do.

In a few minutes, JSP will come pick me up from work and I will tell him what I have learned. We will drive home through this wonderful spring thaw weather and I will hold his hand while tears flow. My tears will mix with the water flowing down the street, melted snow. The water will run down the sides of the street until they plunge unseen into a culvert and be carried through the storm sewar to the Mississippi river.

Meanwhile I will look into JSP's eyes and I will be happy that he is with me to help me decide what to do.

Labels: CT, friendship, Melanoma, MRI, winter

I feel positively bursting at the seems today there is so much to write about. Should I share my oncologist appointment from yesterday, or the interesting information I received from a colleague dealing with cancer in her family? Should I write about the play "Third" that we saw at the Guthrie Theater last night, or about receiving an onslaught of handwritten cards from ten year old children in Iowa threatening me with damnation if I don't convert to Christianity. Hmmn, where to start?

My appointment with Dr. A. yesterday went really well. I went to the appointment by myself (JSP had a dentist appointment at the same time). Dr. A. made extra time for me at the end of his normally scheduled day. We discussed the interesting results of the biopsies that I had done on the lumps that were removed from my body on February 12. Dr. A. said that the biopsy report were somewhat inconclusive regarding what was gogin on, but that this much we know: of the fourteen lumps that were removed, thirteen were diseased lymph nodes that contained cancer cells. Some of these cancer cells in the lymph nodes showed signs of necrosis (cell death). This suggests that there is some immune system response to my cancer. The other lump (the largest lump) was a melanoma tumor.

Labels: Melanoma

Last night we found out that Hillary Clinton was far from buried in her bid to become the democratic nominee for president. She took the states of Ohio, Texas and Rhode Island, only loosing Vermont to Barack Obama. Personally I have previously mentioned that I am supporting Barack Obama, but I believe that both candidates would be absolutely better than John McCain. However I have mixed feelings about the outcome of last nights continuation of state primaries/caucuses. I am happy to see the Democrats are enabling the process, allowing voters of all these states to voice their opinions. At this point it is clear that half of us Democrats are for Clinton and the other half are for Obama. There are several more states voting, but chances are the outcome of the remainder of the primaries will not yield a clear cut nominee. Playing by the rules, the process will drag out to the convention in Denver where delegates and super delegates will fight out who will be our Democratic nominee.

At this point I wonder if we are playing the right game. I absolutely favor a democratic process and say bully for a good fight. But while we are hashing out the nominee for our party, the Republicans will poke and tease us the whole way with the help of their surrogates and the Main Stream Media. John McCain is in the catbird's seat at the moment. His party selected him months ago and rather quickly everyone lock'n'step fell in line to support him. That is the beauty of the conservative movement. They have an uncanny ability to create a winner and with minimal fuss everyone hops on the bandwagon and off they go to the general election season.

With all their ducks in a row, the surrogates (the Rush Limbaughs of the world) have free reign to spew out negative talking points about both Clinton and Obama for the next months. Case in point, earlier this week a caller to the Limbaugh show told Rush that her daughter thought Obama looked like Curious George. Rush laughed, but after the commercial break he came back with an apology saying he did not realize that Curious George was a monkey character. I personally have a hard time believing that Rush was clueless about Curious George, but even if he was the message it out. Not too tough to connect the dots, Obama=Monkey, Obama=Osama or Barack Hussien Obama=Saddam Hussien. The surrogates pump out this crap for months, bits and pieces get picked up by the Main Stream Media and all of a sudden we got a whole lot of people with some fucked up connections floating around in their heads.

My observation are in no way an endorsement of the methods of the conservative movement. My desire to avoid prolonged fighting within our party so we can move on to highlight the failures of conservative governance as administered through the Republican party these last 7 years. My hope is to be able to stand on firm ground with our eventual candidate to fight back all the garbage the conservatives and Republicans throw out there to keep us afraid and timid. God knows that we have a dump truck load of ammunition to use against McCain once we get to the point of a one on one election battle.

Neither Obama or Clinton will give in for the good of the party at this point, and by no means should either of them do so. Both have invested heart and energy and both can claim they deserve the nomination. Hopefully the mudslinging from either side will be minimal as they continue the fight. Hopefully they both can manage to inject the shortcomings of McCain along the way. And hopefully as the eventual nominee is determined, the supporters on both sides will enthusiastically join together to elect the first woman or black man as President of the United States of America.