Difficult choices

We attended another doctors appointment this afternoon with JB, myself his mom and sister Barb at his side. Again it was a struggle to make the transition from sleeping in bed to the doctors office on the other side of the river. The initial goal of the meeting was to have discussed the option of amputation of his tumor swollen arm. In light of JB's rapidly failing health, this is no longer an option, simply put the procedure would kill him. Instead we talked more about hospice care options. The doctor was attentive and went to work to arrange a hospice representative to make a house call tomorrow morning to assess the living arrangements. We might then have a better idea what can be done for JB to maximize comfort and still stay at home.
Together myself and the family realize that we are reaching the limits of what we can do to keep JB safe, comfortable and out of pain. Our daily duties are unrelenting whereas the cancer is not. I want to hold him and keep him in my care, it is difficult to let down my protective barriers and open the door to outsiders who might be better equipt to ensure a peaceful and loving transition from this world to the next. I am sensitive to JB's wishes to stay in our home together for as long as possible. It breaks my heart guessing and second guessing decisions made and to be made, wondering if they are what JB truly wants...as he grows unable to make them or communicate them to me.
So moving forward to hospice care is now eminent. The goal is to keep him home as long as possible. Z