One week down into Twenty-Eleven

We made it through the holidays and the first week of January is already history. It does not seem like much has changed of course, Winter still firmly grips the landscape and rumors are that a boost of extra cold from the Arctic are pushing our way.

Much like last January (when JB had half of his right lung and a tumor from his heart removed), it appears that this January is going to be difficult. The tumors continue to cause troubles for our gardener. It is true that the surgery of December 17 that removed a huge chunk of tumor from JB's tonsil greatly relieved troubles in breathing and eating. Unfortunately the tumors remaining there have continued to grow, at what seems to be an unbelievable pace.

JB went in to see Dr. Y who performed the Dec.17 procedure and the Dr. confirmed that there was significant tumor growth from the same location he operated. Also tumors farther down his throat were growing such that they are now clearly visible. I would estimate that the most prominent one on the right side of this neck is now the size of a tennis ball.

The problems with eating and breathing are increasing again and the path of action is now two fold. First will be a procedure performed next week, the insertion of a gastric feeding tube. The thought is that nutrition is of high importance now and the worry of further tumor growth making conventional eating impossible prompts this move.

The second procedure is scheduled for the following week, and this will involved a much more radical attempt to removed more of the tumors from JB's neck. Originally this idea was rejected due to a number of possible complications and the belief that the B-raf drug trial might be able to shrink some of these tumors. The B-raf drug may be working on some of JB's tumors, however they are having no effect on those in his neck (and tricep...see below for this story). JB strongly requested that attempts be made to remove them and now the doctors appear to be willing to comply.

An additional area of concern is a massive tumor growing at the tricep of JB's left arm. It is another one of those tumors that is bucking the trend of the B-raf drug effects. It has grown rather fast, and maybe as large as a softball. This tumor is not easy to notice, from an outsiders perspective is looks as if JB has a rather well developed arm muscle. This tumor is causing more pain and there are thoughts of another radical procedure, perhaps amputation of his arm. Amputation was one suggestion about a year ago when the tumor on JB's forearm was growing uncontrolled. What was once thought of an absurd course of action is now perhaps likely.

I see JB dealing with all these issues day to day and together we try our best to enjoy the life we have together. I shutter to think of him slowly being chopped apart. If these options allow for an improved or stable quality of life I am on board. I cannot deny that it appears that our time together truly grows short. Months but not likely years anymore. I fear more often these days that I will come home to a lifeless partner. I feel relief the moment I seem him up watching TV, or restfully sleeping in bed, but my previous thoughts continue to wander to imagine what the final moments might be like. I quickly try to avert my thoughts to something more peaceful and in the moment...usually something we both can enjoy.

Anyhow, it is currently 10AM on a chilly but very sunny Saturday morning. We are both awake and together in our cozy and warm home. There are no immediate plans for the day but we will try our best to enjoy it and spend the moments together.