Both of Us .org

On Friday evening I saw an old friend that I grew up with that I have not laid eyes on for perhaps 15 years. Perry, a neighbor from my childhood had heard about my cancer through his grapevine and had tracked me down. He came over with a bundle of organic produce and we talked about the paths our respective lives, and the lives of our family members and common friends had taken in the last fifteen or so years.

A few of hours after Perry went home, another friend, Keenan, stopped in to crash at our home, having just made the journey from Madison, Wisconsin. He was being a good son for the weekend and would help his father repair some broken fencing the following day.

Saturday morning JSP planted at least 50 seedling plants in our back garden. I was amazed to walk out in the back garden to see the black soil that seemed almost lifeless the day before transformed into a garden full of green plants. The garden is infused with new vegetable life.

Artists in Northeast Minneapolis have a yearly open door weekend called Art-A-Whirl each spring, and this weekend was Art-A-Whirl. On Saturday JSP, Pat Morgon Mae, Marcos, Jaime, Connie and and I toured the Northrup King Building which houses about 150 artists in four floors of studio spaces. It was a fun afternoon.

We started, without Jaime and Connie, at our home and then went to lunch at The Vegetarian, an unassuming Indian restaurant with a fantastic buffet in Columbia Heights. The food was delicious and it was hard to choose when to stop eating. Palak paneer was on the buffet and I indulged in the flavors that I crave. I was thrilled to see a completely vegetarian buffet where I can choose from anything on the buffet instead of only one or two vegetarian options.

Eventually we connected with both Connie and Jaime and meandered through Art-A-Whirl's largest venue. I picked up a number a cards from artists and got an idea about what artists I might be interested in buying from in the future.

After trekking around the artist studios for several hours we re "arted out." We went to the Holy Land for dinner. I got a plate of tabouli and a plate of humus that went wonderfully with pita bread. My companions chose a variety of food and everyone seemed very satisfied with their choices.

That night I played a thoughtful game of Go with my friend Keenan. One big error on his part late in the game allowed me to take one of his groups and win the game. I love playing with Keenan because he plays Go frequently and improves between each game that I play with him.

On Sunday morning Keenan, Pat and I had breakfast at the Seward Cafe which is always nutritious, organic and delicious. Sometimes I marvel at the number of choices that I have in the Minneapolis restaurant scene in terms of being able to get organic vegetarian food in so many places. I do not take this gift for granted and it reminds me why, despite the cold, that I love Minneapolis. I decided on organic huevos rancheros and organic freshly made yogurt. I was not disappointed as both were magically delicious. My companions again were very pleased with their food choices, and the thing that stands out in my mind is the cold pressed coffee, steamed to perfection, that they enjoyed during our breakfast.

After breakfast and saying goodbye to my friends, JSP and I began our journey to Grantsburg, Wisconsin where our friend Vanessa was graduating from high school. Georgianne, Vanessa's mother, had invited us to come with her to the graduation ceremony and to enjoy the graduation party that followed at their home. After the ceremony, we were treated to beautiful weather delicious filled cupcakes and delicately layered cakes that tempted me to eat them despite the fact that they are not allowed contained lots of refined white sugar and refined white flour. Georgianne and Vanessa showed that they could be fantastic hostesses as it seemed the whole village of Grantsburg filtered through their home over the course of the afternoon.

During our drive back to Minneapolis, we noticed that the silver moon was almost full. The moon is completely full tonight.

Needless to say, JSP and I slept deeply last night.

Labels: art-a-whirl, arts, entertainment, food, friends, friendship, garden, Northeast Minneapolis

Saturday morning and JayBee is awake and a bit restless. He seems to be feeling relatively well. Right now as I look at him the main issues are itching and bed irritation. The first several days JayBee was feeling well enough to take a few walks around the hospital (and even outside since it was in the 70s when he arrived). The last two days have been worse and he has been in the bed the whole time. It shows as he struggles to find a comfortable position in the bed.

Twelve IL-2 doses of the 14 total have been administered. That means one more at 1PM and the final dose at 9PM. Then he starts to recover again. Hopefully we can get him out of the hospital tomorrow, since recovery is accelerated in a cosey location like home.

The mouth irritation has returned. JayBee is generally not talking much because it hurts just to open his mouth much. They have given him just about everything to try to prevent or attenuate the onset, will minimal results. Perhaps it is not as severe as the first time, but we will not be certain until the IL-2 treatment is done and he gets home and wants to start to eat normally.

A reminder for anyone considering a visit, with all of the symptoms JayBee is experiencing now, he is likely to be mostly unresponsive. His sister Julie and I are here now just to be there if he needs something, otherwise it has been a quiet morning thus far. JayBee communicated to me he is happy to see people, and even happier if they are short visits. He knows you are wishing positive thoughts to him and appreciates that very much.

Labels: family, friendship, hospital

We are back in Minneapolis and I have photos from our trip. The trip was really nice, relaxing and deserved. I enjoyed catching up with our wonderful group of friends. This was the fourth time JayBee and I have joined in on their Winter ski trip. I look forward to many more in the future.

My one bit of adventure included a vigorous snow shoe hike up one of the local mountain trails. Last year I also hiked in snow shoes, but the trail was flat and fairly uninteresting. This year, we found a trail that went up the side of one of the peaks in the Frisco area. It was very nice since it was good exercise and there were many outlooks to take in some stunning scenery. So below are a few of those pictures for your enjoyment.


Here are a few more images from the trip:
The view out our front window of our cabin.


Some pictures taken along HWY 70 on our way to the cabin.

And just before we returned to Minneapolis, Julie and Christian took us out for dinner at a Japanese restaurant named Domo. We had a variation on typical sushi, called Wankosushi. Instead of having the sushi fish with wasabi and soy sauce, here we were presented the fish with a variety of toppings. I believe this type of sushi represents rural Japanese tastes more than the Tokyo version of sushi we are more familiar with.

Labels: cold weather, friendship, winter

It is Tuesday and I went to work today.

This weekend JSP and I were in Denver and in the mountains near Denver. We went to visit my sister Julie, her husband Christian, and our wonderful network of friends that we have made through them. Most of the group skied in wonderful snow conditions, but due to my lack of strength and endurance, skiing was just not in the cards for me. In the evenings we played lots of games together: Pictionary, Taboo, Texas-Hold-Em, Triads, and Mafia were some of the group favorites.

Julie even brought her Champion Juicer so I was able to consume some fresh organic juice even so away from home.

The flight from Denver has my ears feeling weird; every time I swallow my left ear pops, and just breathing sounds strange in my head. Small potatoes I guess.

Just three weeks after finishing my first Interleukin-2 therapy, and I feel mostly better. The therapy was honestly the worst thing I have ever been through. Receiving a dose of IL-2 every eight hours around the clock for five days was very difficult to undergo. The drug is toxic, and the pain/sleep medication I was prescribed caused me very unpleasant hallucinations when I was awake. At the end of the week, I had gained 20 pounds of retained water, my immune system was terribly weak, and I had an infection of thrush in my mouth that made eating and talking very painful. I barely recognized myself when I looked in the mirror; my face looked like a puffed up marshmallow. I felt exhausted.

I am still underweight and bald, but there is a gleam in my eye again. I feel happy and I have my eyes open to the beauty of the world. I am looking for (and finding) joy in random places and simple moments.

One of the spiritual teachers of my young adulthood, Ram Dass, author of Be Here Now recently wrote a book on aging and death. I have been slowly reading it since I came across it at our local library. It is interesting to me how persons transition from a young sexy self image into a self image that is not young or sexy. At age 32 I am going through that phase a bit early perhaps, but there is no reasoning or bargaining with the mirror. Ram Dass has some useful thoughts on the matter. He tells his readers to embrace these changes and to wear your new self image with pride and dignity. One does not have to be youthful, sexy, or even healthy to hold a place of respect, or to be loved.

Labels: cold weather, friendship, juicing, Melanoma, winter

Everyone except JayBee and I have left the cabin to start the day. It is a nice day with part sun and clouds and temperatures in the 40s. Some folks took off for the mountains to get in some skiing and some folks went out to the trails to do some snow shoeing. The wind just kicked up, so maybe it is not such a tranquil day after all. I will probably get out and walk around the neighborhood shortly. I enjoy the relaxation and lounging around, but I start to feel sluggish if I do not get out and move around.

Last night everyone made it to the cabin after 5 PM. We have in total 10 friends hanging out this weekend. We got some groceries and then made a family style spaghetti dinner. The rest of the evening was spent socializing and enjoying each others company. A game of Taboo was played, in which the girls were pitted against the guys. The guys were beaten, but the game was close the whole time.

By the time Taboo was complete, folks were tired and the night started coming to a close. JayBee played a short game of Hearts with Julie, Jason and Cedric. I scanned through the movie King Kong to see the scene where Kong battled three T-Rex dinosaurs. I really did not want to see the whole movie, thus never ordered it via Net-Flix. Christian had it in his DVD collection so I brought it along to satisfy my desire to watch a few of those thrilling scenes.

At the end of the evening JayBee and I settled into our room. We had his EEE PC in the bed and we decided to watch the season premier episode of Battlestar Galactica. This is the last season of the show and we had waited for over a year to see the final season. Aside from the choppy nature of watching a streaming video, the show was entertaining. 4 of the last 5 Cylons have been revealed, and now we wait to find out who the last one is....could it be Starbuck, Baltar, Adama???

Labels: cold weather, friendship, winter

Greetings from Denver Colorado. JayBee and I arrived into the mountain time zone on Wednesday evening, greeted by JayBee's sister Julie and her husband Christian. The flight was smooth and uneventful, however the woman next to JayBee was generally annoying him much of the flight.

Christian and Julie drove us back to there newly acquired home. Moving from Washington DC to Denver has afforded them a great improvement in living space. In the Washington DC area they had a one bedroom condo. It was a very nice condo in an excellent part of the city, but it was small. For two people it was snug, but when visitors or guests came for a visit it was extra tight.

With the prospects of building a family in the future, living in DC was going to be a challenge. The prices are exorbitant and getting into a larger home would not be financially simple. Several of their friends had moved to Denver and were singing its praises, so Julie and Christian made their move here last year. I believe they have made a smart choice.

We are enjoying their space before we make our way into the mountains. The plan is to leave in a few hours to a cabin/condo that Julie has arranged for the 10 or so folks coming over the weekend.

Yesterday we spend most of the morning at the house and later went into the city. JayBee and I went to meet up with our friend Theresa. She and JayBee have known each other since college. I met Theresa when she was still living in the Twin Cities, just before JayBee and I moved to Holland.

Yesterday we met at Govinda's Buffet, which is a restaurant located in a Hindu temple. They serve a wonderful vegetarian/vegan buffet. Having finished our dinner, we went to visit with Theresa at her home. She introduced us to her three wonderfully friendly cats and we chatted for awhile on the penthouse patio.

JayBee and I returned to Julie and Christian's home. JayBee was tired from the day of walking and visiting and decided to call it a night. I joined Julie, Christian and friend from DC, Cedric, on a trip to an Irish pub. There we met Jason, Laura, Carol and Erin. It was great to see everyone and catch up. We are now both looking forward to meeting up at the cabin in the mountains and ready to enjoy a fun weekend playing games, hot tub, eating and relaxing together.

Labels: friendship, winter

I have not written for a while, not sure which direction to go in. Lots happening in my life, not as much time or motivation to write about it all.

A telephone call this afternoon has narrowed my focus. The call was from Dr. A. who had gotten a chance to look over the MRI and CT scan that I had done on Wednesday, March 5th. He mentioned that the tumors in my lung were growing quickly and that there were several new tumors in both my left and right lungs that were not there on the December 31 CT scan.

This is not great news for me.

I have an appointment to talk with him about starting a regiment of Interluken 2 (sp?) as early as next week., This is an immune boosting approach to fighting cancer that causes you to be quite sick for about 10 days, followed by ten days of relative health. I am not sure what this will mean.

I had been considering traveling to the Gerson Hospital in Mexico with my mother for about the past week, but I realize now that my habit of hesitation is no longer a viable approach to solving my problems.

I wonder how starting a cancer therapy will affect my body and my spirits. I wonder if it will mean not going to visit my sister in Colorado as JSP and I had planned. I wonder if the therapy will help me at all or only make me sick. I wonder what I should do.

In a few minutes, JSP will come pick me up from work and I will tell him what I have learned. We will drive home through this wonderful spring thaw weather and I will hold his hand while tears flow. My tears will mix with the water flowing down the street, melted snow. The water will run down the sides of the street until they plunge unseen into a culvert and be carried through the storm sewar to the Mississippi river.

Meanwhile I will look into JSP's eyes and I will be happy that he is with me to help me decide what to do.

Labels: CT, friendship, Melanoma, MRI, winter

In advance of JayBee surgery tomorrow to remove sub-dermal tumors, last night we took an inventory of his tumors. After a complete scan of his body, I noted at least 18 lumps in various locations in his body. Most were pea sized or smaller, but there are at least four that are marble sized. The larger lesions have caused him discomfort. One tumor on his back thigh he compared to sitting on a stone.

The process was sobering for me. I strive to be optimistic that we are doing the right things and that he will successfully fight these "weeds" into remission. Confronted with numbers, size and locations, I am reminded of the reality at hand.

Finished cataloging the tumors, we settled into our cozy nest, thankful we were sheltered from the bitter winter night. Looking into each others eyes we realized how lucky we are together and how thankful we are to have the strength and support of the other. We are hopeful to spend many many years together looking into each others eyes and feeling love.

I turned off the light, cuddled in close, and felt overwhelmed with emotion. A myriad of thoughts whirled in my head, and I softly cried myself to sleep.

Today is a bright but cold winter day. I am working and feeling well. I am a lucky man. Despite the number of tumors in my partner's body there are positive signs. At least one tumor originally present on JayBee's upper lip, appears to be gone. This one was very present in JayBee's mind. He said it stared back at him whenever he looked in the mirror. He theorizes that because he was more focused on it, his body fought it more successfully. The mind is a powerful force.

The weekend is a memory now, but I am thankful that friends and loved ones chose to spend time with us. Friday night, friends Michael, Adam, Jesse and Conrad arrived to play a entertaining game of Settlers of Catan with both of us. Saturday JayBee attended a soccer organizational meeting and later played Dungeons & Dragons with friends. Yesterday was a family day and we enjoyed the company of JayBee's parents, three sisters, a brother-in-law and two nephews. I made some juice for everyone. JayBee shared some home brewed beer and everyone enjoyed chatting near the fire in the fireplace.

Spring is creeping into our house. Last weekend I planted several tulip and crocus bulbs in several planters in the house. I noticed yesterday that a few sprouts poke through the soil. My hope is that sometime in a month or so, a variety of blooms will be greeting us each morning, inspiring more spring fever in both of us.

Labels: beer, cold weather, friendship, juicing, Melanoma, winter

Tonight my friend Cosmic Monkey came over to play. We considered doing art projects together, but first we'd have to locate my oil paints. After searching the first floor, second floor, basement and garage, we gave up looking for the illusive oil colors and settled for playing some old school games on an antiquated Nintendo 64 that I was given by a friend many months ago. These games held our attention for perhaps an hour, then we moved on to the evening's main attraction, bottling beer.

I have had fifteen gallons of beer sitting in my home that I have been putting off bottling since I stopped drinking beer due to my new chronic health condition. It seemed unfair somehow that I would not allow myself to taste any of this fantastic beer hand crafted with loving detail. Since I learned beer brewing through Cosmic Monkey, it seemed poetic that he was here to help me bottle the beer I would never drink.

On this cold night in Northeast Minneapolis while bottling beer, we spoke candidly about fear, death, and loss. I brought up the Buddhist idea of impermanence which gives me comfort. He spoke of childhood in a Christian tradition, and remembered the exact moment in his childhood when he realized that his parents would eventually die. Winter does this I think, it reminds us of our mortality as we take refuge from the cold outside, nestled in our homes, brewing beer. Outside the garden is covered deep in snow, but I know that it will be green and luscious as we tend it in the spring.

Ten gallons of hand crafted bottled beer are now neatly stacked in the basement, minus a share given to Cosmic Monkey. Five gallons of my Sweet Stout and five gallons of my Phat Tyre Amber Ale will sleep soundly for the next two weeks, coming of age in their bottles. Five gallons of my Belgian Triple Ale still stare at me from a carboy wondering when it too will have the privilege of finding its way into beautiful green flip top bottles. This Belgian beer will be extra strong, strong enough perhaps to "put hair on your chest" as my father might say.

Who will drink my beer?

Labels: beer, cold weather, friendship, garden, Northeast Minneapolis

This is the first time in over five years that I have experienced a Minnesota Winter. The season started off fairly tame, December and January were significantly warmer than normal. However, several weeks ago that all changed. The average high temperature for the last two weeks has been about 5 F, this is roughly 15 F below normal. One night it even dropped to -18 F. I am solidly against this cold weather hanging around much longer.

I have to attribute my angst for this weather to the past five years of living in much more temperate climates. In Groningen, the coldest winter temperature was about 20 F, and in Philadelphia perhaps it dipped to 5-10 degrees one or two nights the last two winters. I had heard that Minnesota winters had also been quite mild the last several years, and I was hoping for a continuation of this pattern. Alas, I am dealing with bone chilling weather.

I do keep in mind that this weather is not significant in any extreme. No record lows have been broken, not even close. The record low for the cold night I mentioned above (-18 F) was -33 F. My sense is that our cold snap is lasting too long. I expect perhaps a week each year where the temperatures struggle to get above zero, then a rebound to normal. This snap is going onto week three.

Diverting my thoughts from the cold, we have been enjoying the guest that we have hosted at our home in NE Minneapolis since last Sunday. Our friend Rick from Aurora, Illinois has been seeing our city and his other friends. We all went to a performance at the Guthrie Theater, The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams. The performance was very entertaining, and we were all satisfied.

The rest of the week was spent enjoying cookies, pie, pancakes, Thai and Mexican food. The time grows short as our guest is returning to his home soon. Perhaps this last weekend of his visit will be spent touring St. Paul and going to the Minneapolis Institute of Arts. The week has been brightened by our guest, and thankfully so, because my work has been busy and stressful.

Also, JayBee and I will take our first vacation from work within the month. It will not be lengthly, at least not long enough for me. For five days JayBee and I will be traveling to visit friends in the Denver area. They have arranged a cabin in the mountains for roughly 15 people. We will be hot tubing, eating, drinking, skiing etc. This trip is a continuation of the ski weekends in the Pennsylvania Pocono Mountains that have occurred the last two years. The difference this year is that two of our friends formally of Washington DC are now living in Denver and they had the inspiration to invite us all out there to gather.

Viva friendship!

Labels: cold weather, friendship, Minnesota, winter